2. You repeatedly look at your chart during the day, as if the temps may magically change.
3. You can't sleep at night because you know tomorrow's temp is the MOST IMPORTANT temperature you'll take all cycle.
4. You check your cervical position and cervical mucus as often as you check your email.
5. All you want in the world is to gain an extra 30Ibs and feel uncomfortable, tired, emotional and sick for a whole 9 months.
6. You talk using mysterious acronyms that only your TTC buddies understand: TTC, BD, EWCM, BBT, OPK, 2WW
7. You buy 30 HPTs on eBay for 10 bucks because it’s a good deal, and hey, you can test every day!
8. Your OPK comes up +, you cancel all social engagements so you can BD and lie with your legs elevated and bum up in the air afterwards.
9. You’ve promised yourself that “this month you aren’t going to stress about it or think about it” but you know that is completely impossible to achieve even as you’re saying it.
10. You’ve read every last article on Google as to why you might not be pregnant, and have a possible treatment plan to present to your doctor in addition to your charts and graphs.
11. The only muscle you stir first thing in the morning is your arm muscle, to reach for the basal thermometer so you can test your temperature.
12. The big 'O' refers to ovulation rather than orgasm.
13. Every twinge is a potential sign: ovulation pain OR perhaps implantation.
14. Your OH tells you that you 'look pregnant' and you're ecstatic rather than offended.
15. The checkout lady looks at you funny as you check out with tampons and HPTs at the same time.
16. You find ways to secretly touch your breasts in public to see if they’re sore.
17. Your breasts ARE sore but not because of your hormones but because you have been squishing them like play dough.
18. You touch your breasts more than your OH does.
19. Your morning motto is: "Don't talk to me until I've taken my temp".
20. You take your temp more than once a day.
21. You refuse to finish decorating the spare room in your house, because you can't stand the thought of getting it just the way you want it only to have to tear it apart next month in order to make room for the nursery you'll be needing.
22. You spend more on OPKs, HPTs, and fertility supplements than you do on clothes.
23. The thought of nausea makes your heart skip a beat.
24. You gravitate towards the HPT, OPK isle in every store.
25. You try to find OPK's in every single store in hopes it you'll find them cheaper than where you've been buying them.
26. You suffer silently from Infertility Vision (IV) - defined as the ability to see pink lines that nobody else can see. It's a very common condition among POASers during the days leading up to the official test day. Research is still being done, but at present there is no cure for it.
27. You refer to sex as BDing and only do it in positions that are gravity-friendly.
28. Every time you need a wee you wonder if it's worth POAS and which kind to use?
29. Your first thought when a friend tells you they feel sick is “That b**** better not be pregnant”.
30. Your http:// window autocompletes fertilityfriend as soon as you type "www".
31. You pee in the toilet, and just pee... it feels wrong that you're not peeing IN or ON something.
32. You get up in the morning and pee without thinking. Then freak out when you realized you forgot to get the stick! Nothing worse than wasting FMU.
33. You're watching a film and you shout out "Oooh she's using a FRER!"
34. You feed your husband vitamins to get better quality sperm.
35. You dread the words “can't we just cuddle tonight?”
36. Someone asks you what day it is today, you first think of what CD or DPO you are on.
37. You start going to alternating shops to buy HPTs so the shop assistant doesn't recognize you (like an alcoholic).
38. The Tampax Pearl advert comes on and you want to STRANGLE mother nature.
39. The right kind of CM brings you more joy than the Monsoon Sale.
40. Your eyesight starts to weaken quickly due to many hours staring at evaps.
41. You pee on your hand from a POAS accident.
42. Someone refers to eggs and you immediately think of your ovaries.
43. Peeing is the one of the most interesting things you do all day.
44. You dream about POAS.
45. You belong to online forums, blog groups, and chat rooms in which you know everyone’s cycle days as well as your own.
46. You could teach a health class at the local school detailing a woman’s reproductive system and menstrual cycle.
47. Your best friend buys you the expensive OPK for your birthday.
48. You know what these three words have to do with getting preggo: "high, soft, open".
49. You schedule your social events around your ovulation day.
50. You put a heart on the calendar every time you DTD.
51. Your DH gets up from DTD, props your bum up, hands you a book, kisses your forehead and says “see you in half an hour”.
52. You have a backup to the backup basal thermometer in case the first 2 break.
53. You look at your most recent photos that you took with your camera and instead of them being photos of people or trips, they are photos of HPTs and OPKs.
54. You wake up at 4am, instead of being worried that you have to work in a few hours, you worry that you'll mess up your BBT.
55. You're jealous that you 15 year old cousin got pregnant.
56. You divide the month by "waiting to O and the 2WW."
57. You can pee in something the size of a thimble and not spill a drop.
58. You run downstairs to let fertility friend know you just had sex as it can’t wait until morning.
59. You can take a temperature more accurately than NHS staff.
60. You start to envy The Sims and their baby making abilities.
61. You stop thinking of sex as "that fun thing that can get you pregnant if you aren't careful" and start thinking of it as "that thing that makes babies that used to be fun."
62. Nothing is TMI anymore, but you still give the warning just in case.
63. You take sideways glances at the baby department but don't look directly because you don't want to jinx your chances.
64. You grade your HPTs, you use up the crap ones first cause you're saving the good stuff till last.
65. You use this list as a checklist.
66. Everyone but you thinks the April Fool’s pregnancy prank is funny. For the record – it isn’t…it really, really isn’t.
67. You clean out the very top shelf of the bathroom cabinet and throw away no less than five (okay maybe more like seven) empty HPT and OPK boxes.
68. You’ve had some of the best conversations with your husband and/or your twitter buddies while holding your legs in the air for 30 minutes.
69. You don't drink after 9am because you want concentrated pee for a 2pm OPK.
70. Your work colleagues know it's your 2WW because you won't work out with them.
71. Your friends know it's your 2WW because you won't drink with them.
72. You don't have a baby BUT you DO have FANTASTIC hair and nails from all the pre-natal vitamins you’ve been taking for months.
73. Someone asks you when you're gonna have a baby, you want to rip off your own leg just so you have something to hit them with.
74. You know where all the best light is in order to get a good clear unmistakable view of the pregnancy test strip.
75. You have a variety of words to represent the “F” in BFN.
76. You hear a baby name you like while out somewhere so you whip out a pen and notebook to jot it down.
77. You cannot wait to get up in the morning to take your temperature and once you do, you can't go back to sleep because you are analyzing your patterns on FF.
78. You’re convinced pregnant ladies are stalking you because they are lurking around every corner giving you the stink eye.
79. You hesitate before buying new clothes because you think, "What if I am pg soon?!"
80. You're using an OPK packet as a bookmark.
81. You go on holiday and your TTC paraphernalia takes up more space in your suitcase than your makeup, toiletries and shoes combined.
82. You feel this is the month, every month.
83. Your dog gets pregnant and you have a tantrum about her ability to get knocked up when you can't.
84. You check the online gender predictor each month, to see what it might be.
85. You want to draw a coverline over stock market graphs on the financial page of The Times.
86. You have OH hide your tests so you don't use them all in one cycle.
87. Robitussin isn't just for coughs.
88. You put 50 count bulk pregnancy tests on your amazon wishlist.
89. Taking Charge of Your Fertility is your new Bible.
90. You know what this item is. And no, it’s not a lipstick.
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